Why are Transitions so Stressful?

Overview: This blog post explores why transitions can feel highly stressful along with how therapy can aid in developing coping skills to lower stress levels.

Transitional stress occurs when there is a life change, expected or unexpected, that disrupts a person’s routine, ability to cope, or sense of stability. We typically think of transitional stress occurring when big life events happen—like moving, educational/career changes, or family changes. However, transitional stress can occur when lesser changes occur, like when a financial change occurs, when there is a shift in a friend group, or when a person takes on new roles in their family or job.

It is also important to remember that the change occurring may be exciting or beneficial to a person, and they can still feel the effects of transitional stress because change can be inherently difficult. When we take into account the impact of transitional stress on a person’s wellbeing, it can help explain changes in mood like anxiety or depression, difficulty adjusting to a new environment, or onset of high stress levels.

Why do I feel so stressed?

Creatures of Habit

Many people find a sense of comfort in routine and habit. Our brains naturally look for patterns in our environments, in other people’s behaviors, and in our own emotional experience. If we experience similar stimuli on a daily basis, we know what to expect and we can feel quite relaxed in the familiarity.

When we are familiar with the expectations of us, within work, friendships, family obligations, we also know when to prepare for periods of higher stress. We know when we have to adapt and likely how to compensate for our regular routines to allow time to rebound after a stressful period. 

When these habits and patterns are disrupted, we have to expend much more time and energy into figuring out systems that work for us, what new expectations will be for us, and how to maintain a sense of mental balance navigating these new challenges. 

This can lead to a sense of stress and exhaustion.

Changes in Social Support

Having social supports, whether that is in the form of friends, family, or coworkers, provides a sense of belonging and an outlet for stress release. Other people understanding what you are going through, makes us feel validated and as if we have an emotional safety net. 

Social supports also allow us to step out of a stressful experience and focus on interactions and activities that bring us a sense of release or joy. It can feel rewarding and soothing when you can fully show up as your authentic self and connect with others, giving yourself a break from feeling the effects of the stressor.

Many times transitional stress changes our access to social supports. Whether it is due to friends or family going through changes, or our life changing in a way where we can’t connect as well, the impact can still be significant. 

These changes can lead us to feeling isolated, bored, or left out. It is common to feel like the effort to create new social connections is daunting, so many people don’t devote the time into rebuilding a sense of community, leaving us feeling the effects of transitional stress.

Anticipatory Anxiety

Even if we have a general sense of what to expect with the transition we are experiencing, there are likely going to be unknown factors. Everyone has their own personal values and priorities regarding aspects of their life that brings them a sense of comfort.

Not knowing if your new coworkers will be friendly at a new job, if there will be a local soccer league in a new town, or if your friend will have time for you after they enter a new relationship can cause anxiety. Fully knowing the answers often is not possible, leaving a person to sit in the unknown. 

Anticipatory anxiety, like general anxiety, can expand to affect our thoughts more broadly. For example, a concern about acclimating to a new role in the family, like becoming an aunt or uncle, can cascade into concern about what your role as a sibling will be, if your partner will be supportive of you spending more time with family, etc. 

Experiencing anticipatory anxiety within itself can be stressful. Trying to figure out ways to cope with the anxiety, while you are navigating a change can make the stress even harder to cope with.

How can therapy help?

Create a Sense of Stability Within Protective Factors

In periods of high stress, our mind can fixate on our concerns and anxiety, forgetting the components of our life that create a sense of balance. Therapy can help a person examine their situation to identify and focus on elements of their situation that can give a sense of stability

These elements of our lives that promote stability would be considered protective factors. Therapy can help us identify and devote energy into enhancing these protective factors.

Therapy can also aid in the development of realistic routines that fit into a person’s life to provide them a sense of being grounded, rather than reactionary to their stressors. Therapy can also aid in the skill development to reconnect to prior protective factors.

Develop Stress Management Strategies

How to deal with stressful situations is not generally intuitive. We are not typically taught in school how to handle these changes in our thoughts and emotions. Therapy can assist in building these stress management techniques within a framework that makes sense for each person.

While developing these strategies, therapy can help uncover the nuances to what is making the situation stressful. When developing coping strategies are uniquely tailored to address a person’s individual experience, people often report finding them to be more effective. 

During this process, an individual is also increasing their sense of empowerment because they are creating a sense of change, rather than feeling powerless to their situation.

Foster Meaning Throughout the Transition

When faced with transitional stress, a person can feel like the stress is overwhelming and any benefits or positive aspects of the situation are mitigated. When we feel like we are doing something, or enduring distress, for a reason, we experience an increase in distress tolerance. 

Therapy can aid in reconnecting a person to their value set to create a sense of meaning or purpose in difficult situations. Through the process, therapy can also aid in recognizing the difficult, neutral, and positive aspects of the situation to create a balanced perspective.

I’m here to support you through these changes.

If you are experiencing transition stress, consider reaching out to see if therapy can be an option to provide you support. Together we can make a difficult time a bit easier.